Tag Archives: heroes

#disappearingbears

28 Jan

TFAGODB

*POOF*

You know what really grinds my gears? Bowling piranhas. People seem to be so obsessed with it nowadays. It’s disappointing, a great embarrassment, to say the least. Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Hey guys. I’m going to take a lesson from a good friend of mine and proceed as though I didn’t vanish for an extended period of time.

Now, you’re probably wondering why this piece has received such an infuriatingly relatable/unrelatable title. The reason for this is simple: the Nostalgia Critic has done a review of Wicker Man, and I laughed pretty hard when I watched it.

Click links, for they are your only friends. That’s right, we aren’t friends. WE’RE BROTHERS! And sisters, I guess, if any sisters are reading this.

Paragraphs are fun. So are segues. Bet you didn’t know how “segue” was spelled, did you? You probably thought it was spelled “Segway,” but that’s a company brand name and completely unrelated, just like the title of this post and the content within.

Okay, so for those who’ve made it this far, if you’re expecting some thesis one how the film/writing/gaming/news/political/military/corporate/slash/industry industry works in its entirety, you’re out of luck. You’re also out of your mind, because I would never write something so needlessly complex, so ridiculously comprehensive, and so ripe for tangential diversions that it would make Tristram Shandy look like Medal of Honor: Warfighter. Boy, two Bobby the Tongue references in one post and we still haven’t arrived at the point of this piece? Man, we are on a ROLL today!

Okay, so for those who’ve made it this far, if you’re expecting me not to repeat things for the sake of giving off powerful heat rays of extremely dry, unfunny humor, then prepare for the great reveal of all: “unfunny” is actually in Google’s dictionary. To blatantly steal the joke of another: “We did it, guys. We finally killed English.” By the way, I hate Reddit, and I love it, and I hate it again. I won’t explain why, that’ll be something for later.

Okay, so for those who’ve predicted that I’d start the next paragraph with the same phrase verbatim, HAH! Gotchya!

Okay, so for those who’ve made it this far, I think I can start talking about things that matter. Firstly, we aren’t alone. Oh, big concept, huh? Well, we aren’t. I’m sorry, but if you’re still debating the chances of whether or not there is life beyond our solar system just as intelligent as us, stop. I don’t mean to enforce this viewpoint on you. You may reject it, and that’s fine, but know this: when we finally make contact, I’m going to spray you with silly string for five to twenty minutes straight while repeatedly yelling, “I told you so,” and it will be sweet justice, oh yes, sweet, crispy, bacony justice.

And yes, our worst fears have been realized: “balcony” is in the dictionary as well. I wonder who fell for that and actually clicked it without taking note of the fact that I used the word “balcony” the second time, not “bacony.” An interesting test in psychological behavior, indeed.

Ah, but you want to know what proof I have that we are not alone in the universe. Well, why don’t you come on down to Florida and we’ll have a discussion about that.

Okay, so for those who think that was the point of this piece, you’re still wrong. I just did that to weed out anyone who isn’t into aliens. Why? Because aliens are freakin’ awesome. Now, if you’d like to know what the point of this piece and, and you think there is none, you’re still wrong. Why? Because you are, and you are also correct, and you are also a woman of science. What’s that? You aren’t a zebra? What’s that? You’re sick of me beating around the bush?

Well then,

let’s

get

down

to

monster trucks.

I’ve never been to a rally, not one. I’m actually not into that stuff. Well, maybe I’d be into it if I’d seen one. But I haven’t, so I’m not. Just a bunch of big, giant, wheels, hot wheels. Remember Hot Wheels? I remember seeing the loops the cars were able to drive through in the commercials and thinking, “Golly, gosh, can mine do that, too?” Nope. You cars suck Dylan. That’s why you have to buy these ones. GET THEM NOW! I bought them. They couldn’t loop either. Damn snake oil salesmen, always ruining my day.

Okay, so for those who haven’t heard, movies have been shit lately. Pardon my French, but The Legend of Hercules was shit, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones was shit, American Hustle was overrated, Man of Steel was terrigood, Star Trek Into Darkness had an AWFUL ending, and I only saw two of those films. Can you guess which ones? Has my credibility been entirely destroyed yet? If your answer was no,

ROT.

Rotting flesh, burning, peeling away from their bodies after the bombs fell. Why did we do it to them? Are we really so cold, so cruel? One could say we prevented the deaths of many in doing what we did, was it worth the price? We opened Pandora’s Box, unleashed a monster that can never be shut away again. Why did we do that? Is the old saying really true? Will our curiosity be our undoing? Will our thirst to understand all, including Death itself, be our final end, our eternal Armageddon?

What will become of this material world twenty years from now?

Eh, enough of that stuff. Let’s talk about how everything begins where it ends instead. You see, the truth is that everything in the material world will rot away at some point, even movies. They may suck now, but they’ll be gone one day, so GET THEM NOW! Yes, even the ones recorded one VHS. What’s that? They have commercials in them? Don’t fast forward. Watch them. Yes, even the Hot Wheels ones. You’ll thank me later, when you and your friend Gary have something to reminisce about as you watch monsters trucks do flips over whole rows of bushes and zebras. What’s that, woman of science? You’d like to know what the point of this piece and, and yet you also think there is none? You’re still wrong, just as you are about aliens, and Florida, and whether or not we’re alone in the universe. Go stand on your bacony and look up at the stars. You’ll see them, and then sweet, crispy balcony justice will be delivered in the form of me spraying you with silly string for five to twenty minutes straight while repeatedly yelling, “Gotchya!” HAH! I can’t wait!

Okay, so for those who’ve predicted that I’d start the next paragraph at some point, you’re right. What’s that? The last one should’ve ended a while ago? Where the fuck are you from, Reddit? I hate Reddit, and I love it, and I hate it again. And if Reddit is pissed off at me for killing English, Reddit can go look up “unfunny” in the dictionary and discover for itself why breaking that whole thing into multiple paragraphs would’ve given off far too many heat rays of extremely dry, unfunny humor.

Man, we are on a ROLL today! Bobby the Tongue would be proud at the way I’m making Tristram Shandy look like Medal of Honor: Warfighter.  I mean, with this many needlessly complex, ridiculously comprehensive tangential diversions, you must be going out of your mind right about now. What’s that? You’re telling me the title of this post and the content herein are still unrelated? Well, if you’re still expecting some thesis one how the film/writing/gaming/news/political/military/corporate/slash/industry industry works in its entirety at the end of all this, you might as well hop on a Segway and head on over to California. Segues are fun.

So are paragraphs. And sisters, I guess, if any sisters are reading this, WE’RE BROTHERS! That’s right, we aren’t friends. Click links, for they are your only friends.

Your reaction to all of this is priceless. I’m laughing pretty hard while I watch it, the way I did when I saw the Nostalgia Critic’s Wicker Man review. At this point, you’re probably desperate to know why this piece has received such an infuriatingly relatable/unrelatable title. Well, in response to that, I’m going to take a lesson from a good friend of mine and proceed as though you and I never met today.

Hey guys. Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Honestly, this is all probably really disappointing for you, and, in that regard, a great embarrassment for me, to say the least. Ugh, you’ll all likely obsess over this failure of mine for weeks, they way you did over bowling piranhas. Speaking of which…

…you know what really grinds my gears? When people don’t just get to the fucking—.

*POOF*

TFAGODB

~D.

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And We Keep Going

15 Sep

Yeah, it's back.

Okay, so I just felt like updating you on everything that’s going on. Things have been moving in the right direction for me. I can imagine it’s been the same for you. If not, cheer up. It’ll be okay. Yeah, yeah, “It’s just getting worse and worse. I can’t take it anymore. To hell with the mortgage.” I know, I get it, trust me. But if you keep thinking about the Prequel Trilogy, the Originals are going to pass you by (to those who didn’t understand that, here you go).

Anyhow, this is pretty cool, or something. No, but really, I’m psyched for what’s coming. Working with Pendulum in Action is a blast and an honor, and I’m looking forward to continuing this relationship. Also, Michael Drew and Roy H. Williams are geniuses. They offer profound and practical social and cultural insight, which you should all take advantage of.

Last but not least, I’ve updated the Here Lies KNOWLEDGE page. You should take a look at it. I know you’ve read it already a million times, but just do it again, because you can.

A’ight, that’s everything. I’ve got a train to catch. Be seeing you.

 

~D.

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No

6 Jul

[Insert esoteric metaphor here.]

Let’s not get into it. I don’t want to talk about it. No, stop. Really, guys, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just something I need to handle myself, okay?

Hey, I asked you what you were doing first, so tell me. No, come on, tell me. What if I tell you what I’m doing afterwards. Still? All right, then I guess we’re keeping secrets from each other now, okay, makes sense, it happens.

Oh, COME ON! You’ve got to tell me what you’ve been UP TO! Writing? Baseball? Bowling? Why don’t we go bowling some time? Scared I’ll beat you? I’ll admit that I’m pretty good with duckpin, but I’ll need to practice more if I’m going to take you out at standard bowling.

No, I’m NOT telling you. Go eat breakfast. Maybe we’ll talk later tonight.

What, you think I’m being selfish? TO HELL WITH YOU! You’re damn right I’m being selfish, and I like it THAT WAY! You’d rather I gave you more? Well, tell me what you’ve been up to.

Okay, so you’re working out. That’s nice. That can’t be all though. How’s that friend of yours? They okay? Staying safe? No? Hospital? Ah, bummer. But I ain’t pitying you, no sir. I’m keeping my mouth shut until you tell me what’s really going on.

AHA! Finally, some @nswers! So, you’ve gotten tired of reading my stuff, eh? Oh, hush, you know you love it all. You’ve just forgotten how much you loved it because it’s the norm now, it’s not quite as “fresh” and “hip” and “tubular” as it once was. You need it to be “rockin'” and “sweet” and “clutch” and all those fancy things you use to call something “radical” nowadays.

Well, I’m not changing. If you don’t like it anymore, leave now and never come back.

 

 

 

 

What? You’re still here? What, this? Oh, it’s just a story I’m working on. Hey, listen, about what I said, I was just, you know, being, you know, dumb.

That thing you wanted to know, it was just me thinking about stopping, about not posting anymore. I was just thinking about is all, not saying I’d do that. I’m not stopping, you know that. I can’t stop. Well, I can, but I won’t.

I just sometimes feel like nobody’s there, you know? And I know you’re there, I check the statistics every day, and they look fine. I still get messages from you guys. But it still feels like you’re just here because you’re obliged to, because you’ve been here so long you feel like leaving would be rude or something. I’m okay with rude, I’m fine with rude.

You can leave any time you want. I’m not leaving. Someone will come by and replace you. It always happens. Everyone gets replaced. Except me. I’m not getting replaced. If God ever asks me whether I want to be replaced, you know what I’m going to tell him?

Actually, let’s not get into it. I don’t want to talk about it. No, stop. Really, guys, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just something I need to handle myself, okay?

 

~D.

STEEEEERIKE!

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My Top 12 Favorite “Game of Thrones” Moments

20 Jun

Forever, my father.

We all love it. We all hate it. We all want more. We all wish it would just end. We all got our friends to watch it, then reconsidered our decision to do so after the Red Wedding. We love it because it’s intelligent, because it’s real, but mostly because, unlike most stories told these days, it’s a game.

There are many players in the Game of Thrones. Once they enter the Game they have two options, as disclosed by Cersei Lannister early on: win or die. Opting out has been tried, but proven unsuccessful thus far. My advice? Don’t join unless you plan on being the victor.

Game of Thrones has been an exciting, powerful series thus far, filled with highs and lows, twists and turns, incredible battles and unforgettable characters. Today I’m going to talk to you about my favorite moments in the show hitherto. Note that I’m writing this prior to the release of Season 4. I may update it, I may not. For all we know the fourth chapter in the series could suck thanks to rising egos in the cast and crew (I’m not saying it will happen, I’m saying it could).

In case you’re in the middle of watching the show and are worried about spoilers, I’ve labeled each moment with their respective season and episode. That being said, let’s dive right in with…

Don't worry, you'll be possessing fucking wolves soon.

12. The Fall of Bran (Season One, Episode One)

If one could pinpoint the exact moment when Game of Thrones announced itself as “the show where anything can happen,” it would have to be Bran’s fall at the end of the first episode. I remember seeing him break his promise to Catelyn and thinking, “Good boy,” not at all aware of the potential negative ramifications of him doing so. Suddenly, as he drew closer to the tower I thought, “Wait, the music changed. Something important’s about to happen.” And then there they were: Jamie and Cersei  Lannister getting busy. I wasn’t all that shocked that there was incest going on, nor that it was incest between those two. However, I was shocked when Jamie grabbed Bran by the collar and uttered, “The things I do for love,” before tossing him the ground far below.

In most stories, especially in the case of TV shows, children are left undamaged. It’s sort of an unspoken rule regarding television, cinema, etc. Game of Thrones doesn’t play by conventional rules, it has its own.

"What is dead may never die."

11. The Dreadfort Assembly (Season Three, Episode Ten)

Let’s face it, as pissed as we all were at Theon for betraying Robb, cutting off his “favorite toy” was a bit much. I was among his many sympathizers during his time with Ramsay Snow, and even now I hope he’ll be okay in the end. My hope was strengthened after the most recent episode in the series, wherein his prized possession was sent to Balon Greyjoy, his father, as a threat.

Balon was asked to give up the lands he’d invaded recently in exchange for his son’s safety. He refused, calling the boy a disobedient “fool” who should’ve followed orders. Theon’s sister, Yara (called Asha in the books), doesn’t give a damn whether Theon made a mistake or not.

“I’m going to pick the fastest ship in our fleet,” she began. “I’m going to choose the fifty best killers on the Iron Islands. I’m going to sail up the Narrow Sea all the way to the Weeping Water. I’m going to march on the Dreadfort. I’m going to find my little brother…

…and I’m going to bring him home.”

"That was all I wanted."

10. A Golden Crown (Season One, Episode Six)

To me, this is the moment where Daenerys became a badass. Throughout the entire first season, up until this point at least, Viserys had been a real dick to his sister, and I mean a REAL dick. He’d beaten her, threatened to have the entire Dothraki Horde and their horses have sex with her, by force if necessary, and done all sorts of things that just left me thinking, “When does he die?” Seeing sweet justice exacted was more than appreciated, especially in such a gruesome form.

But the pouring of gold wasn’t what made this moment terrific. It was Daenerys saying, “He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon.” And then I understood how important she actually was, for she was the dragon Viserys claimed to be.

I miss him.

9. The King in the North (Season One, Episode Ten)

After a very significant event occurred (further on down the list), the Northerners were left without a Warden. And so, because of this, a new nation was formed, with a new king chosen by its people: Robb Stark. Robb is probably one of the top five best characters in the entire series, and his “badassery” skyrocketed after his new title was granted.

"Valar morghulis."

8. Everything with Jaqen H’ghar (Seasons One and Two)

I know this is kind of cheating, but, pardon my French, I really just don’t give a fuck. Jaqen H’ghar is a baller the like of which has not been equaled in the series thus far (I’m sorry, I think he’s cooler than Daenerys). His stealth and precision are unrivaled and his ability to change faces the way he does is literally perfect. I hope Arya trains under him next season. And by the way, nobody send me anything about it, but I think Jaqen and Syrio Forel are the same person, for various reasons which I’ll talk about another time.

Valar morghulis.

Spiders and Ladders

7. Everything with Varys and Baelish (Seasons One, Two and Three)

Okay, okay, this is the last time I’m cheating. But honestly, it’s so hard to choose the best of these back-and-forths between the two. The Spider and Little Finger always have the best discussions regarding the condition of Westeros. If I had to choose one that stood out, I might pick the “Chaos is a Ladder” speech that Baelish gives Varys. In every other discussion, they are equal to one another. In that one in particular, Baelish actually outwits Varys, a character I personally believed to be invulnerable.

All in all, these two always steal whatever scene they’re in, unless Tyrion’s in it. Speaking of which…

What is dead may never die.

6. Ned (Season One, Episode Nine)

I don’t think I have to say much. To some, he was a fool. To others, he was the last honorable man in Westeros. To me, he was both. He didn’t play the Game properly, but he was a good man nonetheless, a strong man, a courageous man. Too trusting though. He didn’t walk softly enough. He didn’t control his pieces the way Daenerys and Tywin did. He played it the way a soldier would, and, unfortunately, soldiers don’t win the Game.

Long live Ned Stark, the true King in the North.

"Halfman!"

5. Halfman (Season Two, Episode Nine)

Although he isn’t my favorite character (and I know he’s everyone else’s), Tyrion has had some of the most epic moments in the series, the Battle of Blackwater being full of them. One of his best scenes involves a speech wherein he tells his soldiers very simply and bluntly, “Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let’s go kill them.” Soon after, chants of his alias, “Halfman,” resound through King’s Landing, immortalizing Tyrion as a legend of Westeros.

500,000

4. Jamie’s Redemption (Season Three, Episode Five)

Okay, now I know most people still hate Jamie, but there are those out there who, like me, have forgiven him for his acts of evil in the past. After hearing what he did for the people of King’s Landing, how he saved five hundred thousand people from being burned alive, I was absolutely blown away, realizing that everything Jamie ever does, no matter how ruthless it may seem, is done because he truly believes it’s for the best.

It’s not just the story itself that makes this moment so incredible. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau should win an Emmy just for this scene on its own. He tells Jamie’s tale so beautifully and brings it to life in such a powerful way that I, a former die-hard Jamie HATER, was able to sympathize for the man I believed to be one of the main villains of the piece. Congratulations, sir.

Sorry Bran, but I have to give credit where credit is due. The Kingslayer is now a hero in my book.

Fucking dragons.

3. Birth of the Dragons (Season One, Episode Ten)

After Ned’s death I was certain there was nothing bigger they could throw at me this season. And then I remembered those eggs, and how our girl here can’t be burned, and although it didn’t surprise me all that much, the birth of the dragons was one of the most impressive bits in the series. It’s the first real appearance of magic in Game of Thrones, and it gave me hope that things would get better from here on out, that the bad guys were toast and that, soon enough, all would be well in George R.R. Martin’s world.

And then, of course, Robb Stark had to go and break his oath…

Fuck the Freys

2. The Red Wedding (You Know the One)

Okay, if you seriously don’t know what this is, stop reading, because you’re about to read what I think may be the biggest plot twist in a television series, EVER. On the night of a beautiful wedding merging the Tully and Frey houses, Lord Walder Frey executes what might be the most sickening, dastardly, gruesome, villainous betrayal ever put on a screen. I know that sounds like an overstatement, but if you’ve seen it, and you watched every episode prior and grew attached to—nay, to love the characters involved, then you probably agree. The Red Wedding is messed up beyond belief, with the loss of Robb, his wife, their unborn child, and Catelyn all in less than ten minutes.

But, as horrible as it was, you have to admit…

I BET she's going to die.

1. The Unsullied Liberation and Mhysa (Season Three, Episodes Four and Ten)

Yeah, remember what I said before? Well, I never said “I promise,” so I’m not worried about my choice here. I simply couldn’t decide between these two because, in a sea of depressing moments, these two are some of the more inspiring scenes in Game of Thrones.

The first is the liberation of the Unsullied, which me and my brother TOTALLY CALLED the week before (I take credit for calling it first). Daenerys makes what appears to be a stupid trade in order to acquire an army for the taking of Westeros. What ends up happening is a badass coup wherein all of Astapor’s slave master’s are killed and the army of Unsullied soldiers is liberated. When given the option to live as they choose, they all decide to serve the Stormborn Queen, and a great bit of symbolism occurs when she drops the whip that once controlled them and they march over it, their chains shattered.

The second is the ending of the recent season finale, which I honestly think is a beautiful thing. Hope is what I wanted out of the last episode, and hope is what I got. Even though I personally think Daenerys is going to die this coming season, she still makes me think that, even now, this story might have a happy ending.

One of the other great things about the Mhysa scene is how perfectly it symbolizes everything about the show. We have a hero who, because of the potential dangers of the world, is forced to surround herself with shields and pikes. Even when the friendly slaves arrive, there’s this tension about whether they can be trusted, whether anyone can be trusted. The look on Jorah’s face is what I’m talking about. He knows that even the kindest of fellows might stab someone like Daenerys right in the back. But Daenerys isn’t willing to let that sort of thought process go on. She knows that in order the end the clash between fear and love, she must take a leap of faith. And so, when she walks into the crowd, knowing fully well she might be beaten to death right then and there, she is testing whether all men are evil, whether all men must die. And, in the end, she proves that all men aren’t evil, and that there is still good to be found in the world.

That’s why I love Game of Thrones. That’s why you love Game of Thrones. That’s why we love Game of Thrones. Because it isn’t just about betrayal and blood and horror and death and hopelessness. It’s also about righteousness, truth, heroism, love, and freedom. And it will have a happy ending, one way or another.

"Build it and they will come."

And to those still mourning the Starks, just remember…

…what is dead may never die.

~D.

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Pickles and Jam

3 May

Sometimes, we just have to sit for a bit, y'know?

Okay, guys. I know I joke around a lot on here, and I know you like that (yeah, I actually read the messages and emails and all that jazz), but I’m listening to Stairway to Heaven right now and, to be honest, it’s making me look back at everything I’ve accomplished. I’m smiling, the reason being that I’ve actually created quite the impact on a few people throughout the past few years that I’ve been doing this. It makes me proud to know I’ve helped a few people, even inspired some. You know, I might go so far as to say that you guys are—naw, I’ll save that one. That one’s important.

But, I do enjoy you all, and I know y’all enjoy me and my work and shtuff. So, the first thing I’m going to do is paste the fully edited version of the first chapter of Ledge on here for you. Now, you may think I’m being lazy, but the point isn’t the chapter, it’s the second thing I’m doing, which comes after the chapter.

So, here it goes. This is for you guys, really:

———————————————————————————————————————————–

CHAPTER ONE: CLINGING

There’s darkness, and then the curtains are drawn back. Time starts. His thumb moves. Click. That’s the sound of the gun’s hammer getting pulled back.

“Still won’t talk, Mr. Adams?”

That’s Greg. He isn’t holding the gun. Mac’s holding the gun. Mac’s seven feet tall, or something.

“Hit him again, Mac.”

Whack! That’s me getting punched in the face by a left hook. The gun’s in his right hand, not aimed at anything in particular yet.

“Come on, Adams. We don’t got all day. Just tell us where your friend is and we’ll let you go.”

My friend is Michael. I won’t tell Greg anything. I think my jaw’s broken anyway. It hurts like hell.

“Adams…”

We’re in a hotel room. It’s got a nice view overlooking Lake Oslana. That wasn’t the lake’s first name, but the owner of the hotel line decided it’d be a nice one to buy. I wonder what it was called originally.

“You know how easy this is. And it’s not like we’re gonna backstab you or anything. Just let us at him!”

I wish Greg would get it over with and have my ass capped already. My favorite suit’s already ruined, and there’s no way I’m exposing Michael—no way. I really hope he doesn’t come in and try to save me or anything.

AGH! GOOD GOD!

“That’s strike one. Next we put a bullet in your other thigh. Might be hard to walk around. Start talking.”

Jesus Christ, it hurts so much! Keep it together, Eddie! Be cool! You’ll make it out of this. Just need a plan.

Greg’s looking over at the other two men in the room, Mac not being one of them. He says something to them, but I can’t hear it very well. It HURTS!

“…and if we’re not quick enough, the Doctor might wonder what’s taking so long!”

The Doctor: a psychotic crime lord, currently working with the government (strange irony there). Whack! Another punch. The Doctor REALLY wants Michael dead, huh?

“We may have to waterboard it out of this guy,” says one of the other men. I don’t know his name, just some random goon with a gun. I hope Greg doesn’t agree.

“Get the rags,” he says. Now I’m done for. I won’t be able to hold out through that stuff. I hope Michael left the country. It’s not safe here in State 9 anymore, not with all that’s been happening lately.

A lot of time passes once the third man exits to get the rags. I give Greg an indifferent look. He shoots a glare. I give Mac the same look and he just snorts and walks off, dropping the gun on a sofa chair. He talks quietly with the last man in the room (just another goon).

“Why do you care so much?” Greg asks me. I become introspective and really analyze this before I answer, and then I shrug seeing as nothing I say will prove satisfactory. If I told him how Michael saved me, how he was different from the other you-know-whats, he wouldn’t understand. He’d just say I was a nutcase who needed his head examined.

After the course of two or three minutes (it felt like a lot more to me), the rags arrive with the third man. He tosses them to Mac, who catches them with ease.

“Did you bring the bottles too?” Greg asks.

“They’re just outside sir,” the man responds. “I’ll go get ‘em.”

The chair I’m strapped to is made of wood. It is laid across the floor, me now facing the ceiling. This is going to suck.

“You could always talk now,” Greg offers. I remain silent, like a good friend should, and the rags are placed over my face. I toss my head to the left, throwing the rags off. When a hard punch hits me in the—Lord, that hurts!—face I stopped turning. The rags go over me again. I think my nose is bleeding.

One of the water bottles is opening, I can hear it. Here it comes. Mac’s tilting it right now. Get out now, Michael. Get out before they find y—CRASH!

“What the—?!”

The sound of men being tossed about the room echoes through my ears. Bullets fly from Mac’s gun, but it explodes in his hand, causing him to shout in pain. The other two goons fire but are launched into the ceiling, their necks snapping. I can hear Greg being pinned against the wall. Mac is groaning and weeping on the floor as the rags are lifted off my face.

Michael.

“Get out of here!” I tell him. He unties the ropes that bind me and helps me into a sofa chair. There’s Greg, being held against the wall by Michael’s power.

“I couldn’t just leave you,” he tells me, before looking to Greg with an expressionless face. One of the guns of the dead goons soars toward his hand. He aims it at the leader of the group, now begging for mercy.

“To harm an ally of mine is to hang oneself,” the angel says. Then a red mark appears between the eyes of Greg and blood trickles down from it until it reaches his lips. The body falls to the floor, lifeless. Michael looks back at me.

“Are you all right, Edward?”

“Yeah,” I lie, “I’m dandy. You showed up just in time. Although I still think you need to get the hell out of Dodge.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder and says, “We are getting out, not I.”

“I have to see Sally first.”

Sally’s my girlfriend. She’s—she’s beautiful. It’s a long story. I haven’t quite decided whether I’ll marry her yet. We’ve been with each other quite a while now.

“No time,” Michael tells me, causing me further worry. “Those were easy hunters. If they send Lucifer—.”

“I can’t just leave her. They’ll kill her!”

I’m standing now, but my leg hurts too much. I’m trembling as I fall back into the chair. Michael holds a hand to where the bullet is and slowly—YAGH—levitates it out of me. I’m not bleeding too badly. Okay, maybe I AM bleeding too badly. But he’s already ripping a bed sheet apart and wrapping a piece of it around the wound.

“That should stop the bleeding. Raphael will be able to heal you later.”

“Michael, I can’t leave her.”

His face, though without expression, holds weight behind it like you couldn’t imagine. His eyes waver and glow. And then, he understands.

“I will get you to safety first. The others are downstairs with a car. I’ll let them get you out of here, then I’ll get the girl.”

I’m thinking of disagreeing, thinking of telling him I have to be there when it happens. But that’d be foolish right now. I need healing, and Raphael’s always been the quickest at that.

“All right, fine. Let’s go.”

He nods. We depart. Mac looked dead last I checked.

This world has changed since the war. I can only hope that doing what I’m doing will help save it from its own self-destruction. Although, to be honest, when I look outside at the covert dystopia that has come, I can’t help but lose hope entirely.

We’re hanging on a ledge right now. I really hope Man’s fingers don’t get any more tired than they already are.

———————————————————————————————————————————–

Before I go, I want to tell you a true story about the power of art. There was once this girl sitting in a car on a city bridge. It was night, and not very many cars were passing by at the time. She was crying, weeping actually, because right then, right there, in that moment, she intended, completely and utterly, to drive over the edge of the bridge into the water below. Sweat trickled down her neck and shivers traveled up her spine. Now, this sort of thing happens all the time, and so, naturally, she could’ve just pressed down on the gas and gotten it over with. In most cases, this would’ve been so.

So then there was this nightclub. A DJ (I won’t say who, but suffice to say he’s a pretty big deal in the clubbing world—and a family friend) was playing some killer tracks, and everyone was going wild. The room was electric, truly. You could feel the life pulsating through it, like a heartbeat. Then, after the DJ’s work was done and he was turning in for the night, someone tried to reach him backstage. At first, security tried to shove the person away, but the DJ approved their passage, for they did not seem to be some crazy, drunk fan out seeking autographs or something “intimate.” His guess was right, for it was then that the person told him of the miracle that had been bestowed upon them.

They had just recently gone through some of the toughest trials life had ever thrown their way. In fact, these trials were so punishing and cruel, that the person had been driven to the point where death seemed like the only option. And then, literally seconds before the gas pedal was pressed down and a body was made soulless, a song came on the radio, a song called It’s Gonna Be Okay. It was one of the DJ’s best songs.

Art saved her life that night.

To all my fans who are artists: any time you think maybe your life would be more useful somewhere else, doing what society has told you is “productive,” remember that you’re doing something that actually saves lives. If that ain’t productive—ah, screw that, it’s productive, know it like you know your name. We need more of you out there, because even if you’re never thanked for it, know that you’re doing something badass just by being an artist.

So yeah, that’s why I put random pictures at the top of all my articles. Now, finish the night with this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwAYpLVyeFU

Love,

D.

Laugh.

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My thoughts on James Cameron’s AVATAR

19 Dec

Okay, here’s the short review: Trumbo, you better move over ’cause here comes my new favorite movie of all time that just decimated every other movie in existence.

Here’s the longer one:

This movie is friggin’ unbelievable. Here’s a quick explanation of the plot (And I mean quick because there’s a lot more to it), without spoilers: AVATAR takes place on a planet called Pandora (anyone up for Borderlands?) that is home to a humanoid race of aliens known as the Na’Vi. The Na’Vi’s Hometree (the area in which the main tribe in the film lives) is sitting on top of a resource that’s extremely valuable on Earth. The humans (or “Sky People,” as referred to the Na’Vi) want to chop down the tree so they can get to the resources. There are two options: get the Na’Vi to peacefully find a new home so that the tree can be sliced down, or gas ’em out and hope they don’t fight back.

The Na'Vi's design is impressive.

Like I said, I won’t spoil anything, but what is done in order to make this possible is this: humans are placed in remote controlled Na’Vi like bodies that the humans believe are very convincing. And they are, to the audience at least. The Na’Vi already know these people are those who live amongst the Sky People, but not about the fake bodies and the fact that there are humans controlling them.

The bow is mightier than the gun....not really. XD No, but it is.

The acting in this movie is top notch. Sam Worthwington has done a great job playing the main character, Jake Sully. The rest of the cast is incredible as well, bringing these characters to life in ways you have to see to believe. I would like to commend Sigourney Weaver for her performance as Grace. You did a great job Weaver, and I’m proud to have watched you perform on opening day (well, night. But not the very first showing night, I mean the night that just passed a little while ago). Zoe Saldana also did a great job as Neytiri, making her seem more real than I’d expected.

Jake Sully is the main character. This is his avatar.

The set pieces are fantastic and the planet of Pandora is rich with life and very beautiful. There’s also lots of strange alien creatures that really catch the eyes of the audience and get a lot of “ohs” and “ahs” out of them. Oh, and one thing that should be take into account is this: this movie MUST be seen in IMAX friggin’ 3D. It’s the coolest thing in the world. 3D has basically been viewed as a sort of experimental thing up until the release of this movie. AVATAR’s 3D effects are the best 3D effects ever. Once again there were “ohs” and “ahs” that swept through the audience at the sight of these 3D images.

KABOOM!!!

Oh, and one more thing, this movie may look like it will be a long epic, and it is. But you know what? You’ll never be bored. The movie is always interesting you in what’s going on. The pace is fantastic, and it never wears down.

Piloting the gunship.

Everyone on Earth needs to go see AVATAR now. This movie is an instant classic and will never be forgotten, ever. But you must remember the rule above about 3D. YOU MUST!!!!

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Last Heroes Standing reaches 50 members!

2 Oct

I’m excited to announce that my Steam community Last Heroes Standing has reached 50 members. Hooray!

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My Top Five: Favorite Star Wars Villains

1 Oct
Number Five: Darth Nihilus- Those first moments when I heard Nihilus’ voice sent chills down my spine. This truly is a Sith. Nihilus’ motives are very unclear. No matter how many times I thought I knew after speaking with Visas Marr, it just didn’t seem to add up. And that’s why I liked him so much. As much as I’d like to add Darth Sion to the list as well, he just told too much about himself by the end and just basically gave himelf away. With Nihilus, I kind of knew what was going on, but not fully. I always felt that something was missing. And that is why Nihilus takes the Number Five spot on my list.

                                                                          Darth_Nihilus_Saber.jpg Darth Nihilus image by erbalt42

Number Four: Darth Sidious- I’ve always wanted to see how such a seemingly kind and noble man like Palpetine could turn into such a ruthless killing machine and sinister Dark Lord like the Emperor. Darth Sidious, his Sith alias, showed me this very thing. And boy did he scare the crap out of me. Every word that emitted from his lips was like a drop of poison. He truly is the evil I thought he was. The only thing that takes him down really is that for me, by Episode III, he seemed way too obvious. Why on Earth would he make his identity so easy to see? I mean, I get that the Force was clouded by the Dark Side, but really, you don’t need to be a genius to know that he’s evil. I mean, listen to his voice.

                                                                   

Number Three: Darth Maul- When I first went to see Episode I in theaters, I saw Maul fight Qui-Gon with a single blade. Great, seen it before. But when he came out with that double-bladed saber, I almost cried. It really was one of the coolest duels ever, that one. And not to mention the look of Maul. His face could give kids nightmares for weeks. Really. His eyes too, they’re just so scary. And finally, to think this guy had only like two or three lines (maybe four), and yet he still remains a very important Sith in the Star Wars lore now. He truly is a villain. Truly.
                                                  
Number Two: Darth Vader- Yeah, another Darth. But really, how can I not have Darth Vader on the list too? He is just one of the most iconic, if not the most iconic villain in cinema history. His voice is memorable by more than half Earth’s population (probably), nearly everybody in America knows who he is. He even had the entire Prequel Trilogy devoted to his origin. His armor, or “iron lung,” is one of the most popular looks for a villain, ever, and one of the most recognizable. He is also quite a great character. The idea of somebody commiting such a genecide of essentially an entire (hokey) religion out of pure love for one person is just villainous. And that’s why he steals the Number Two spot on my list.
                                                            

Now I know what you’re thinking, why isn’t Darth Vader Number One? I mean, who’s greater than Vader (hey, that kind of rhymes)? Well I’m glad you asked (if you did) because my Number One spot goes to somebody who at first you’ll think, “WHAT?!” but will soon understand.

NUMBER ONE: General Grievous (Micro Series)- In 2004 a micro series known as Star Wars: The Clone Wars (no, not the CG film) came out and it told the story between Episodes II and III in five minute episodes that had real impact on my view of Star Wars. They were bold, daring, and had great additional characters, and they also gave us another reason to love Mace Windu even more when he was alive (didn’t we have enough already?). Well, the last episode of the season was announced, and it was going to be ten minutes long! Ten minutes? What could be so great about this episode? Well, I’ll tell you what was so great: a miysterious droid/alien creature that KICKED MORE JEDI BUTT THAN CHUCK NORRIS ON STEROIDS!!!

In the episode, the wreckage of a Republic flagship is lying is the dust of a planet (can’t remember the name). A massive army of super battle droids are surruonding it, for there are eight Jedi still inside. Three of them are the very well known Ki Adi-Mundi, Aayla Secura, and Shaak Ti. The other four are Jedi Knights and one is a padawan. The padawan is scared poopless. Litterally he is yelling, “We are all going to die!” He’s nuts, the Knights (Aayla included) are trying to calm him down, while Shaak Ti and Ki notice a shadow pass the outside of the ship. When they tell the others of it, the padawan has a panic attack and runs out of the ship. Now, this is where I almost fell off the couch. As soon as the padawan set foot in the sunlight, a massive machine like creature landed on him and flattened him into the ground. Do you see? He didn’t jump down and charge at him, jump in front of him and stab him with his lightsabers. He SMASHED HIM INTO THE GROUND WITH HIS BARE FEET.

Afterward he jumped upward again, and the Jedi activated their sabers. They were spread out so they wouldn’t be killed all at once. Or so they thought. Grievous blasted through the rafters (top) of the ship and began hacking and slashing at the Jedi. He was fighting the last seven, all at the same time (and this was before he had four arms)! He knocked back a few of them and managed to corner one at one point, slaying him with ease. Six to go. He then took on two more of the Jedi, and this was where I learned of his great ego. He went to such braggish limits that he even held the sabers WITH HIS FEET and fought them like that. When he returned to his normal fighting stance he used his feet to pick up the two Knights, one being Aayla, and crushed one of their heads with his foot (not Aayla). HE CRUSHED HIS HEAD, IN A KIDS SHOW. He then threw both of them into the rafters. Four to go. Grievous then charged into the last four, sliced two of them up easily, and then took on the two masters.

Grievous then acomplished something defining. He kicked Shaak Ti so hard that when she slammed into the wall of the ship IT CAME DOWN ON TOP OF HER (still don’t know how she survived). After that he picked up her saber, with his foot, and had in his physical grasp three lightsabers! And as he leaped at Ki Adi-Mundi, the show cut to Yoda, he said something (can’t remember, something to do with the war not being over), and it ended. And after that I had tears of joy/awesomeness streaming down my eyes. Favorite fight scene in Star Wars.

Now, compare the Grievous I just described to the one in the film. THEY ARE EXACTLY OPPOSITE. I had no problem with Obi-Wan killing him in the movie, believe me I saw it coming. But the fact that he died easily, EASILY, is what ticks me off. And this time he had FOUR ARMS. It should have taken Obi-Wan crushing him into a ball with the Force and then slicing him to pieces, not three blaster bolts! He is also MUCH less intimidating in the movie, in every way. Voice, look, etc. Lastly, they told us about him. They did it! They made that one mistake that they could’ve solved by pulling a Darth Maul, but instead they pulled a Darth Sion and told us his whole story.

Well, I will always remeber the cartoon Grievous as the true Grievous. And that is my list of my favorite Star Wars villains. I hope you can find at least one choice to agree with.

                                                    

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My thoughts on Windosill

27 Sep

Okay, I’m just going to come right out and say it. Windosill it the most enjoyable gaming experience I’ve ever had. This game is unbelievably great. What Flower is to the PS3, Windosill is for the PC. Only in my opinion, it has ten times as much meaning and is ten times as creative.

In Windosill, you control a small steam kart (whom I have named Karty (just go with it)) through a small number of puzzles. You might exoect to play a game where you must utilize your skill from the previous level to beat the next, but Windosill is different. Windosill’s puzzle are all comletely different from each other in every way except for one detail, you need a cube, and you have to slide it a hole. How you obtain them in each task however is completely different for each level. And each level is more and more creative every time.

The game is simple, but it’s so magical and so wonderous that you’ll never want to put it down. I probably sound really cheesy when I say that, but it’s just that good. And it’s only $3.00 on Steam here in the US. Oh, and don’t you dare use a strategy guide to solve the puzzles. It will ruin, and I mean ruin, the experience.

Play Windosill now. I promise you it will change the way you look at games, forever.

My favorite character in video games....ish.

My favorite character in video games....ish.

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Modster Madness !Double Feature! (Sep. 26, ’09)

26 Sep

Hey guys! Welcome to the second episode of Modster Madness. If you’ve seen the Zombie Master review, you know the drill: I tell you about a mod of a game, and if you should get it or not. Simple enough right? Well, today it’s a double feature, so let’s get going quick. It’s time to review:

                                                       

MINERVA is a single player Half-Life 2 mod that takes mod storytelling to the next level, engaging you in most of the stuff that is happening. Maybe not so much as Half-Life 2 itself did, but it dilivers more than you’d expect from a mod. The game begins on an island invaded by the Combine. You’re dropped there by a group that is attempting to investigate the island and find out what’s there. You’re directed by a tezt scroll in the upper left corner of the screen (at least I think it’s the upper left, I haven’t played MINERVA in awhile). It tells you to go to certain places on the island and complete certain tasks. The tasks were a bit hard to follow because it was only text and it went by a little too fast, causing me to have to reload earlier save files to learn what my next ojective was.

                                        

In the beginning, it feels like just anyother mod, walking across the surface of the island shooting Combine soldiers, then going inderground to fight zombies, then going up again to fight more Combine. But then, after some time the observer starts to talk a bit about your past. Basically you learn that you betrayed the humans and they’re using you to do their bidding in payment for his sins. Rough. Anyways, the plot definitely thickens as you learn more and more what your group really needs you for (or whether they need you at all). I startedtp actually feel for the character I was playing as, merely because the writing was so good, and towards the end the player will be fully immersed in the story. It’s gripping, it’s suspenseful, it’s really fun.

                                                  

MINERVA is not flawless though. As I said before, I had to reload save files to read text. I think I had to do it eight or more times. Nonetheless, this is a great mod and you’d be wise to play it ASAP. MINERVA: Metastasis, remember the name, because this mod has an awesome story, and really sinks in at the end (which is nowhere near anti-climactic).

And now, onto our second mod:

                                                    

Another single player mod, Riot Act takes place in a Combine prison that’s being attacked by an antlion horde. Your character, named Jamil, had his cell door left open. You escape, find a crowbar (of course) and an SMG/ammo supplying ally in the beginning. As you progress you will find more allies who you able to recruit as you start your riot. In the process you defeat an antlion guardian and gain control of the antlions, as you did in Half-Life 2.

                                      

According to your supplier, Alyx Vance and Gordan Freeman are the cause of the antlion attack. Don’t know how, but they are. That is not to say that it is a canon mod (though I like to think that it is). It’s merely a neat plot point they put in the story. Even though Riot Act is primarily an action packed adventure mod, it does have a plot twist in it that I won’t spoil for you. It isn’t major, but let’s just say I grew attached to my little party after awhile.

Riot Act is about as short as Portal, but definitely long for a mod. There were moments when I thought it was over when it had merely begun. It provides loads of action sequences that make you feel like a super hero. Oh, and the last battle (which I will also not spoil for you) is a really intense and surprising moment. Overall, you should play Riot Act. You can get it from Steam any time you want for free. It’s fun, it’s exhilarating, hell, it’s a friggin’ riot act!

                                          ra_c1l20004.jpg image by snackeater9007

And that concludes the double feature for this evening. This is Liak Lienad, signing off.

WARNING: You must own Half-Life 2 to get these mods.

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