Tag Archives: the

Hoot

12 Aug

You raise me up.

Follow me on Twitter

@Architect_9

so that you can learn more about nothing. Hah! You thought I had something to write. You thought I had some amazing story, but no, just a Twitter piece. Mph! Yeah, like it, yeah.

Okay, I’ll give you something: American Hustle looks stupid. Boy did that one come out of left field. Yeah, honestly, this thing looks like a bunch of artsy circle shots and hard cuts to sexual content, followed by every excuse to get two Oscar winning/nominated actresses naked, followed by, “How do we get ‘America’ in the title?” It feels like Cosmopolis with more stars from the looks of it. Oh, and no giant rats.

All right, I’ll tweet more often, or something.

 

~D.

Unique Characters: A Necessity?

11 Aug

Depth

I gave a fellow on Reddit some advice:

————————————————————————————————————————

Question: How unique do characters actually need to be?

Answer: There is no degree to which a character MUST be “unique.” Uniqueness isn’t necessarily the problem one faces when creating and developing a character, rather depth. See, when a character has multiple levels, it gives us, the reader, a little game to play: Dig to the Bottom of the Character (or DBC, as most people call it). We want a mystery to solve, a puzzle to reconfigure, a game to win. We want to be involved with who we’re reading about.

Now, that doesn’t mean we should make every character as confusing as possible. Levels can be SIMPLE. Luke Skywalker isn’t just the farm boy who became an intergalactic hero. He’s also a son who’s been lied to by his mentor, betrayed before birth by his father, kept in the dark about his sister, and torn between light and dark paths his whole life. Honestly, Luke has more depth than people give him credit for, but he isn’t COMPLICATED. See the difference?

Uniqueness isn’t something that can be forced. It naturally arises from a character’s depth.

————————————————————————————————————————

So yeah, try that out some time.

 

~D.

No

6 Jul

[Insert esoteric metaphor here.]

Let’s not get into it. I don’t want to talk about it. No, stop. Really, guys, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just something I need to handle myself, okay?

Hey, I asked you what you were doing first, so tell me. No, come on, tell me. What if I tell you what I’m doing afterwards. Still? All right, then I guess we’re keeping secrets from each other now, okay, makes sense, it happens.

Oh, COME ON! You’ve got to tell me what you’ve been UP TO! Writing? Baseball? Bowling? Why don’t we go bowling some time? Scared I’ll beat you? I’ll admit that I’m pretty good with duckpin, but I’ll need to practice more if I’m going to take you out at standard bowling.

No, I’m NOT telling you. Go eat breakfast. Maybe we’ll talk later tonight.

What, you think I’m being selfish? TO HELL WITH YOU! You’re damn right I’m being selfish, and I like it THAT WAY! You’d rather I gave you more? Well, tell me what you’ve been up to.

Okay, so you’re working out. That’s nice. That can’t be all though. How’s that friend of yours? They okay? Staying safe? No? Hospital? Ah, bummer. But I ain’t pitying you, no sir. I’m keeping my mouth shut until you tell me what’s really going on.

AHA! Finally, some @nswers! So, you’ve gotten tired of reading my stuff, eh? Oh, hush, you know you love it all. You’ve just forgotten how much you loved it because it’s the norm now, it’s not quite as “fresh” and “hip” and “tubular” as it once was. You need it to be “rockin'” and “sweet” and “clutch” and all those fancy things you use to call something “radical” nowadays.

Well, I’m not changing. If you don’t like it anymore, leave now and never come back.

 

 

 

 

What? You’re still here? What, this? Oh, it’s just a story I’m working on. Hey, listen, about what I said, I was just, you know, being, you know, dumb.

That thing you wanted to know, it was just me thinking about stopping, about not posting anymore. I was just thinking about is all, not saying I’d do that. I’m not stopping, you know that. I can’t stop. Well, I can, but I won’t.

I just sometimes feel like nobody’s there, you know? And I know you’re there, I check the statistics every day, and they look fine. I still get messages from you guys. But it still feels like you’re just here because you’re obliged to, because you’ve been here so long you feel like leaving would be rude or something. I’m okay with rude, I’m fine with rude.

You can leave any time you want. I’m not leaving. Someone will come by and replace you. It always happens. Everyone gets replaced. Except me. I’m not getting replaced. If God ever asks me whether I want to be replaced, you know what I’m going to tell him?

Actually, let’s not get into it. I don’t want to talk about it. No, stop. Really, guys, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just something I need to handle myself, okay?

 

~D.

STEEEEERIKE!

Initium

26 Jun

Leo.

It means “start.”

A few years ago I published a novel called Beginning, a multi-perspective account of a war between two powerful nations in Earth’s far future. The novel is about to be re-released and, in celebration of that, I am now going to show you the first three chapters of it. It may seem weird and a little hard to understand at first, but you’ll get it. You’re smart. You have to be smart if you read this blog. It’s always been that way.

You’re smart, that’s why you knew what initium meant before I even told you. What was that again? Oh, that’s right…

…”start.”

 

Here be the chapters three.

 

~D.

Pickles and Jam

3 May

Sometimes, we just have to sit for a bit, y'know?

Okay, guys. I know I joke around a lot on here, and I know you like that (yeah, I actually read the messages and emails and all that jazz), but I’m listening to Stairway to Heaven right now and, to be honest, it’s making me look back at everything I’ve accomplished. I’m smiling, the reason being that I’ve actually created quite the impact on a few people throughout the past few years that I’ve been doing this. It makes me proud to know I’ve helped a few people, even inspired some. You know, I might go so far as to say that you guys are—naw, I’ll save that one. That one’s important.

But, I do enjoy you all, and I know y’all enjoy me and my work and shtuff. So, the first thing I’m going to do is paste the fully edited version of the first chapter of Ledge on here for you. Now, you may think I’m being lazy, but the point isn’t the chapter, it’s the second thing I’m doing, which comes after the chapter.

So, here it goes. This is for you guys, really:

———————————————————————————————————————————–

CHAPTER ONE: CLINGING

There’s darkness, and then the curtains are drawn back. Time starts. His thumb moves. Click. That’s the sound of the gun’s hammer getting pulled back.

“Still won’t talk, Mr. Adams?”

That’s Greg. He isn’t holding the gun. Mac’s holding the gun. Mac’s seven feet tall, or something.

“Hit him again, Mac.”

Whack! That’s me getting punched in the face by a left hook. The gun’s in his right hand, not aimed at anything in particular yet.

“Come on, Adams. We don’t got all day. Just tell us where your friend is and we’ll let you go.”

My friend is Michael. I won’t tell Greg anything. I think my jaw’s broken anyway. It hurts like hell.

“Adams…”

We’re in a hotel room. It’s got a nice view overlooking Lake Oslana. That wasn’t the lake’s first name, but the owner of the hotel line decided it’d be a nice one to buy. I wonder what it was called originally.

“You know how easy this is. And it’s not like we’re gonna backstab you or anything. Just let us at him!”

I wish Greg would get it over with and have my ass capped already. My favorite suit’s already ruined, and there’s no way I’m exposing Michael—no way. I really hope he doesn’t come in and try to save me or anything.

AGH! GOOD GOD!

“That’s strike one. Next we put a bullet in your other thigh. Might be hard to walk around. Start talking.”

Jesus Christ, it hurts so much! Keep it together, Eddie! Be cool! You’ll make it out of this. Just need a plan.

Greg’s looking over at the other two men in the room, Mac not being one of them. He says something to them, but I can’t hear it very well. It HURTS!

“…and if we’re not quick enough, the Doctor might wonder what’s taking so long!”

The Doctor: a psychotic crime lord, currently working with the government (strange irony there). Whack! Another punch. The Doctor REALLY wants Michael dead, huh?

“We may have to waterboard it out of this guy,” says one of the other men. I don’t know his name, just some random goon with a gun. I hope Greg doesn’t agree.

“Get the rags,” he says. Now I’m done for. I won’t be able to hold out through that stuff. I hope Michael left the country. It’s not safe here in State 9 anymore, not with all that’s been happening lately.

A lot of time passes once the third man exits to get the rags. I give Greg an indifferent look. He shoots a glare. I give Mac the same look and he just snorts and walks off, dropping the gun on a sofa chair. He talks quietly with the last man in the room (just another goon).

“Why do you care so much?” Greg asks me. I become introspective and really analyze this before I answer, and then I shrug seeing as nothing I say will prove satisfactory. If I told him how Michael saved me, how he was different from the other you-know-whats, he wouldn’t understand. He’d just say I was a nutcase who needed his head examined.

After the course of two or three minutes (it felt like a lot more to me), the rags arrive with the third man. He tosses them to Mac, who catches them with ease.

“Did you bring the bottles too?” Greg asks.

“They’re just outside sir,” the man responds. “I’ll go get ‘em.”

The chair I’m strapped to is made of wood. It is laid across the floor, me now facing the ceiling. This is going to suck.

“You could always talk now,” Greg offers. I remain silent, like a good friend should, and the rags are placed over my face. I toss my head to the left, throwing the rags off. When a hard punch hits me in the—Lord, that hurts!—face I stopped turning. The rags go over me again. I think my nose is bleeding.

One of the water bottles is opening, I can hear it. Here it comes. Mac’s tilting it right now. Get out now, Michael. Get out before they find y—CRASH!

“What the—?!”

The sound of men being tossed about the room echoes through my ears. Bullets fly from Mac’s gun, but it explodes in his hand, causing him to shout in pain. The other two goons fire but are launched into the ceiling, their necks snapping. I can hear Greg being pinned against the wall. Mac is groaning and weeping on the floor as the rags are lifted off my face.

Michael.

“Get out of here!” I tell him. He unties the ropes that bind me and helps me into a sofa chair. There’s Greg, being held against the wall by Michael’s power.

“I couldn’t just leave you,” he tells me, before looking to Greg with an expressionless face. One of the guns of the dead goons soars toward his hand. He aims it at the leader of the group, now begging for mercy.

“To harm an ally of mine is to hang oneself,” the angel says. Then a red mark appears between the eyes of Greg and blood trickles down from it until it reaches his lips. The body falls to the floor, lifeless. Michael looks back at me.

“Are you all right, Edward?”

“Yeah,” I lie, “I’m dandy. You showed up just in time. Although I still think you need to get the hell out of Dodge.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder and says, “We are getting out, not I.”

“I have to see Sally first.”

Sally’s my girlfriend. She’s—she’s beautiful. It’s a long story. I haven’t quite decided whether I’ll marry her yet. We’ve been with each other quite a while now.

“No time,” Michael tells me, causing me further worry. “Those were easy hunters. If they send Lucifer—.”

“I can’t just leave her. They’ll kill her!”

I’m standing now, but my leg hurts too much. I’m trembling as I fall back into the chair. Michael holds a hand to where the bullet is and slowly—YAGH—levitates it out of me. I’m not bleeding too badly. Okay, maybe I AM bleeding too badly. But he’s already ripping a bed sheet apart and wrapping a piece of it around the wound.

“That should stop the bleeding. Raphael will be able to heal you later.”

“Michael, I can’t leave her.”

His face, though without expression, holds weight behind it like you couldn’t imagine. His eyes waver and glow. And then, he understands.

“I will get you to safety first. The others are downstairs with a car. I’ll let them get you out of here, then I’ll get the girl.”

I’m thinking of disagreeing, thinking of telling him I have to be there when it happens. But that’d be foolish right now. I need healing, and Raphael’s always been the quickest at that.

“All right, fine. Let’s go.”

He nods. We depart. Mac looked dead last I checked.

This world has changed since the war. I can only hope that doing what I’m doing will help save it from its own self-destruction. Although, to be honest, when I look outside at the covert dystopia that has come, I can’t help but lose hope entirely.

We’re hanging on a ledge right now. I really hope Man’s fingers don’t get any more tired than they already are.

———————————————————————————————————————————–

Before I go, I want to tell you a true story about the power of art. There was once this girl sitting in a car on a city bridge. It was night, and not very many cars were passing by at the time. She was crying, weeping actually, because right then, right there, in that moment, she intended, completely and utterly, to drive over the edge of the bridge into the water below. Sweat trickled down her neck and shivers traveled up her spine. Now, this sort of thing happens all the time, and so, naturally, she could’ve just pressed down on the gas and gotten it over with. In most cases, this would’ve been so.

So then there was this nightclub. A DJ (I won’t say who, but suffice to say he’s a pretty big deal in the clubbing world—and a family friend) was playing some killer tracks, and everyone was going wild. The room was electric, truly. You could feel the life pulsating through it, like a heartbeat. Then, after the DJ’s work was done and he was turning in for the night, someone tried to reach him backstage. At first, security tried to shove the person away, but the DJ approved their passage, for they did not seem to be some crazy, drunk fan out seeking autographs or something “intimate.” His guess was right, for it was then that the person told him of the miracle that had been bestowed upon them.

They had just recently gone through some of the toughest trials life had ever thrown their way. In fact, these trials were so punishing and cruel, that the person had been driven to the point where death seemed like the only option. And then, literally seconds before the gas pedal was pressed down and a body was made soulless, a song came on the radio, a song called It’s Gonna Be Okay. It was one of the DJ’s best songs.

Art saved her life that night.

To all my fans who are artists: any time you think maybe your life would be more useful somewhere else, doing what society has told you is “productive,” remember that you’re doing something that actually saves lives. If that ain’t productive—ah, screw that, it’s productive, know it like you know your name. We need more of you out there, because even if you’re never thanked for it, know that you’re doing something badass just by being an artist.

So yeah, that’s why I put random pictures at the top of all my articles. Now, finish the night with this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwAYpLVyeFU

Love,

D.

Laugh.

Typos and Tonight

1 May

All hail the mighty Onion King. His wrath be greater than all levels of Hell.

 

Okay, I’m a little embarrassed about the typos on the new page, but only a little. In fact, I’m not embarrassed. Screw you guys for noticing the damned misspellellelled words. What the hell’s your problem, huh? What, with your perceptions and your cheap critiques and your pants with a shoelace running through the belt loops (yeah, I noticed). Yeah, you’re nuts, hear me? There were no typos. There are no typos. Go look! Prove that there was something there.

Anyway, I’m going to write something tonight. It might not be out until past midnight, so it’ll technically be tomorrow, but whatever, it’s cool. I’m trying to decide if I want it to be something y’all take seriously. I think it should be, just for good alternation, but you knever now.

 

~D.

New Page: “Knowledge”

30 Apr

Morphogus!

Hey guys. Just a quick notice about the fact that I took down the “Awesome Sites” page since it’s, y’know, useless. Yeah, pretty quick, huh? It’s close to being not even post-worthy. Hah! Post-worthy. Okay, tell you what, I really like you guys, but it’d be good if I had more readers so that more comments would show up down below, y’know? So, I’m going to do what the YouTubers do: click the “Follow” button and tell your friends about this place! QUICK! If we get enough people we can have whole discussions and stuff, start Skype chats, things like that. I dunno, I’m willing to do fun stuff if y’all will help me out. How’s about you leave any ideas in the comments below, yeah?

Okay, that’s everything. See ya!

~D.

Becklantic

7 Apr

Jack is white.

Ann unedditid centance cann ruen ann artecul. I’m not kidding. People can read one and immediately think, “Well, I know where this is going.” And they do, don’t they? They know exactly where it’s testicles, because they’re psychic. Everyone who reads blogs is psychic. They assume that if someone begins all of their articles with a random picture and some dry humor that it’ll probably end up being a dramatic political satire related to the picture, because they know everything, because readers KNOW EVERYTHING. So, how does one surprise a reader?

Beck

Let’s start with a goat. Goats are always surprising. I rather like goats. Actually, to be honest, I don’t know anything about goats other than they’re basically sheep with horns and less hair. Anyways, we’ve got a goat. Now, what are we going to do with this goat? Well, we’re going to ride it, you see. We’re going to ride it across the Atlantic Ocean, because all goats can walk on salt water, you see. And now we’re going to feed it some fish, because goats eat fish! This is our NEW DISCOVERY! So, we’ll keep feeding it until it’s so big it fills up like a balloon and takes us sailing into the clouds above! This is the exclamation point section! HAHAHAHAHA!

Once we’re in the clouds, we’ll start catching passing seagulls. As they struggle, we’ll strap them to the goat with leather bindings, leaving their wings exposed so that their flapping redirects our flight pattern to—geese muffins, it’s Istanbul! A city on two continents! How did we ever get here?! Well, let’s head down. We free our seagulls and stick needles in the goat, deflating it. After a gentle descent, we arrive on the Asian side of the city, and are immediately and savagely assaulted by Turkish missionaries for being “fell heathens.” After escaping with only our thumbs and earlobes broken and torn, we rush to the nearest coyote salesman. He gives us two fine hounds for free because we have a cute blonde chick with us who pleases him with her extensive knowledge of yo-yo yoga—that’s yoga with a yo-yo. We immediately mount the coyotes, the blonde vanishing into thin air, and ride off into the sunset, only to be swallowed by a passing sand dragon who farts us into the Tenth Level of Hell.

And that’s how you surprise a reader.

AHA!

My Thoughts On Journey

14 Jan

Will Wright should've taken a better look at this game.

Indie game developer thatgamecompany (yes, it’s a lowercase t, and yes, it’s all bunched up that way) has been known throughout their short lifespan to develop simple games with deep emotional themes. Their first was the oceanic adventure flOw, where players took control of a tiny organism that evolved through the consumption of others like it. As it did this, it would descend to the darkest depths of the ocean, only to find itself facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles and enemies. The result was, and still is, a fun, beautifully designed piece of art that anyone, be they a hardcore Counter-Strike player, or a scrub who’s just getting into gaming, can enjoy. It appeared first on the PC, and then on PlayStation Network utilizing the PS3’s SIXAXIS controls. This was the beginning of TGC’s relationship with Sony, which would lead to the production of their next game: Flower.

Isn't it pretty? Yeah, dark, but pretty. :)

Flower was TGC’s first attempt at crafting a story along with their game. It begins with you in your dilapidated bedroom. A potted flower is resting on the windowsill (I’m pretty sure that’s where it is. It’s been a while since I’ve played). It hasn’t bloomed yet. As you focus on it, you go to sleep (this is implied, but it’s plainly obvious). When you arrive in your little dream world, you become the petal of the flower you saw in reality, breaking away from the flower and allowing it to bloom. You then proceed to pass over other flowers, using the SIXAXIS controls as in flOw, helping them bloom and gathering a single petal from each along the way.

The night missions are awesome, really.

The journey you go on from this point really shouldn’t be spoiled for those who haven’t played. For those who have, no recap is necessary. You meet adversity, just as you did in flOw, although the dangers you face are very different from the creatures in TGC’s first game, less alive and more stagnant, they still prove to be just as threatening. It’s an art game, it’s true, but it’s not like art films where you look at it and you go, “Yeah, the critics are gonna jerk off all over this one.” You really feel the love and care that was put into the universe of Flower, as well as its subtle, but effective, story. Flower showed the world that TGC could make not just a great game, but tell a great story as well. Now it was time for them to pull out the big guns. And so, here it is, their 2012 masterpiece, Journey.

Guys, this one's a classic, no lie.

Now, this may sound crazy, and I played a lot of games last year that were really good. I haven’t finished The Walking Dead, so I may take it back after the last episode, we’ll see. However, as of right now, I can firmly state that Journey was my favorite game of 2012. Seriously guys, this game totally caught me off guard. I mean, Flower was awesome, really awesome. It was a solid game. But Journey adds a level of aesthetics to gaming that barely any games have ever brought to the table. Heavy Rain did a great job, but Journey is just–it’s friggin’ JOURNEY! The game stars an unnamed protagonist, who seeks to reach the top of a great mountain. They comes across an intriguing set of companions who communicate through song with the game’s hero, aiding them in their quest to reach the peak. As the player progresses through the game, they will uncover the history of the Journey universe, learning what’s so special about this mountain, why it needs to be reached, where the main character’s origins lie, and, above all else, their applicability to the real world.

Awmahgosh, this part was AMAZING!

In just a few short hours (and this game is short, definitely), you’ll have developed not only an intimate relation to your character, but the world around you and its inhabitants. The ending (don’t worry, I’m not saying anything) is–oh, just buy the damn game and stop listening to me. Seriously, if you don’t don’t have a PS3, buy one, then get a PSN account (it’s free, unlike XBOX Live) and, from there, go to the PSN Store and buy and download Journey.

They're like magic carpet people.

I’m not trying to be like IGN, okay. You know what I mean, right? Like how IGN did a Mass Effect 3 review that was absolutely perfect and barely mentioned the #*<&!%@ $#**$#!^ <^%* @$$ $#!^ ending we got that #*<&!%@ sucked? No, I’m being legitimate here: this game is that good. The Walking Dead is a close runner-up, as is Planetside 2.  I’m still not taking anything back until after I finish The Walking Dead. If the last episode destroys my face with awesome, then perhaps I’ll eat my words and have to tell you all, “I was wrong.” Until then, go buy Journey.

Just do it.

~D.

My Thoughts On The Tourist

28 Dec

Too-long-didn’t-read version: boring, don’t watch it. If you’d like some depth, proceed with reading.

Okay, so you may have noticed that just about every review I’ve ever done is pretty positive. This will officially be my first negative one. I am reviewing:

So, where should I begin? Okay, let’s start with a weak storyline. Angelina Jolie plays the lover of a dude named Alexander Pierce who cheated a gangster and is on the run. The lover is assigned the duty of making Pierce’s trail cold by leading the people hunting him after a dude who looks like him. Ultimately, Jolie’s character and this stranger (who is a tourist played by Johnny Depp) develop a romantic relationship, and then we discover that Jolie is a spy. Wait, what? Okay, so the idea then is that Jolie all along was an agent who was supposed to keep watch over Mr. Pierce, and they fell in love, and now she’s been kicked out of her agency (and maybe I’m hard of hearing or something, but it was never made clear which agency she worked for, just that they were British). So, there’s the story. Interested? Don’t be, it sucks. Trust me when I say there’s only one good moment and I won’t spoil it. I’ll just let you know you’ll have to sit through the entire movie to get to it.

Okay, so next I’ll go over the romance. Let me just start this flop of a film. Some of the stuff that happened was just unbearable. I mean, this was really corny stuff. There were sequences where all I could do was think of the incredible Battle: Los Angeles trailer beforehand to keep my mind off of them. I really just didn’t enjoy them at all. Maybe a bit when Jolie wasn’t talking, but everything else was just bad.

While watching Depp I could tell he was at least trying. He’s never terrible, but this didn’t exactly strengthen my faith in him picking good movies(or his agent, anyway). Alice in Wonderland, and now this? Jesus, I hope the next Pirates of the Caribbean doesn’t suck. I will admit that there were some things the guy did that made me crack up (there’s a rooftop chase scene that was great). His accent was a bit off, seeing as he kept interchanging between American and English (ugh…), but aside from that he was okay.

I’ve decided the if you look two paragraphs up you’ll already be able to deduce my review of Jolie’s performance. Let’s just say (and this may sound wrong, but I only speak the truth) that the only good thing about it was the fact the cinematographer had a thing for her posterior. Ah, yes, that was nice.

The music was at times cool, but at times just terrible and corny. When the two kissed (in a dream mind you) the orchestra boomed in such a way it made you cringe with embarrassment. However, the music and mood did match at some points, and when it did it matched well.

Now, there’s the matter of the ending, which I mentioned earlier was actually good. The last few scenes before the film’s epilogue are quite enjoyable and actually a bit tense. And there’s a neat twist that made me go, “Oh, wow!” That was out loud by the way. So, I might argue that if you’re really feeling it you could stick out through the movie just for the end.

So, overall, The Tourist is rather odd, and boring, and cheesy. It isn’t a great film, and it isn’t even a relatively good film either. However, despite it’s shortcomings, that ending is pretty worthwhile, so I’ll just say it’s an okay movie. But it’s just clinging on the edge of okay, like the forth Indiana Jones movie. It may be worthwhile to people who like cheese, but I don’t. I like chicken, lots of chicken, and you’ll do better going to see a movie like The Social Network (which I haven’t seen but can safely assume is good) or Tron: Legacy (same as before, should be good).