Tor.com is holding a fun little six word story contest that I decided to submit to. This is my entry:
Fire engulfs Man. From ashes, monsters.
You can view more entries, or submit your own, here.
~D.
Tag Archives: Books
Well, I’ve done it…
24 Feb
…I’ve now realized I can’t make one viewer jokes anymore. Know why? This is going to sound weird, but it perpetuates the idea that I only have one person reading these, and my stats have gone down since I’ve been saying it. I won’t say by how much, but it’s enough for me to take note of it. So now, I’m going to do something very strange: I’m going to act as though I have a million viewers. I noticed that that seems to work. If one acts as though they’re already successful and it’s all already done, things move right in that direction. And so now, my three billion readers, I want to talk to you.
I want to tell you how thankful I am that you’ve been following me for all these years. I want to tell you how much the trillions of emails I get from you warm my heart and make me laugh so often. Even the hate mail gives me a smile, since I get to say, “Oh, you crazy kook,” every time I read them.
I want to tell you how thankful I am for the gifts that I can’t find space for in my room. I’ve been stuffing a lot of them in my office, controversially placed in Geneva, Switzerland. I especially love the bust of Aaron Sorkin, who is, incidentally, one of my favorite writers. Thanks, Tom, for that one. Oh, and whoever anonymously sent me that map book of Middle-earth, massive props. Please comment you name below so we all know who you are.
I want to tell you how thankful I am that you and I have an honest connection, even with so many of you there. It’s good this way, it really is. I like transparency, and I like to be as personal as I can with you.
My friends, it’s a good day today. Tim Tebow’s going to the Super Bowl, the U.S. is in a surplus and we’re about to establish a colony on Mars. Please, keep reading my stuff, and I’ll keep reading your stuff, too.
~D.
Quickie: Drugs, Alcohol Logging In and Music
17 Feb
Okay, so this is just a quick post. Don’t worry, I’ll have a big one up soon. Basically, I just got done reading this “effects of drugs and alcohol” manual (don’t ask why, it’s a long story). Now, I get that it can be a problem to have too much alcohol or to take drugs and things like that, I get that, really. But I swear to God, this had to be one of the most ridiculously annoying things I’ve ever read through in my life. I mean, really, guys? Really?
So I get started reading, right? It’s all good—really, it’s all good—and then, at about page five I’m like, “Okay, all right, I see where you’re coming from manual.” Then, from pages six to eight, I’m sitting here going, “Wait, I think I’ve read this somewhere before.” I look back at the first five pages, and I suddenly realize, “Oh, you just reworded the things you just explained five minutes ago, okay.” Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Well, Dylan, they were simply elaborating on their previous point. You do that all the time.” No, it wasn’t that.
Let me demonstrate what it would be like. If I walk up to you and I say very firmly and briskly, “Don’t take the East Road, it’s dangerous,” you might say, “Ah, okay. Thank you, sir!” So, you go on your way, when I suddenly pop up beside you and snap, “Hey, you’d better not be taking the East Road!” Now you’re looking at me going, “No sir, I’m not,” and I give you a thumbs up and walk. Then, after only seven steps, I grab you be the shoulders and shout at you, in big bold letters, “THE EAST ROAD IS NOT SAFE, YOU KNOW? KEEP AWAY, KEEP AWAY!” Now, after this process has repeated seven or eight times (which it did in this blasted manual), you may finally start going, “Okay, I get it.” And then, after another repeat, this time a verbatim repeat of the last warning (yes, that happened), you might go, “Okay, sir! Thank you! Can I go on the West Road, now?” Then another verbatim repeat is shot out, followed by, “DO YOU UNDERSTAND, SON?” You say, in big bold letters, “YES, I GET IT! LET ME GO!”
See how that can be?
Anyway, that’s just something I was doing today, out of the blue. One other thing I wanted to mention was how amazing it is that what I’m doing right now is even possible. Imagine a world where after having read that manual I couldn’t log into this blog in under fifteen seconds and couldn’t tell you, my loyal fan, of the detriment I’ve been dealing with here.
One last thing: I’m working on some music that you guys can listen to soon. Until then, go on YouTube and search for “ambient chillstep.” There’s this mix called “Hug Me Softly Chillstep Mix.” I know, weird name. You should check it out though. Good stuff to listen to while reading about how horrible drugs and alcohol are, whilst simultaneously taking drugs and drinking alcohol. Not that I do those things, I don’t. Seriously, I don’t.
~D.
P.S. — Seriously, I don’t. Guys? Are you reading this? Hey! HEY! BIG BOLD LETTERS!
Dylan Alexander 